How to achieve a quality love relationship

To love someone is actually questioning ourselves, our inner strength and faith, how much we are able to give ourselves to another, and more importantly, how willing we are to change. Every novelty in life means a certain change, including an emotional connection. Love is not static, it is hyperactive, it is a skilled trader: as much as you invest and give, you will get as much back.

When two people's relationships have reached a stage of tension and discontent, then they will need to stop and ask themselves where the problem is? It is true that it takes two for love as well as for quarrel, but you must not use this as an argument to justify your mistakes. As soon as we start approaching without self-criticism, convinced that we are good and correct and the other side is not, know immediately that you have become the biggest problem.

Although I always emphasize that love has three foundations: open communication, understanding, and accepting your partner as he is, without the intention of changing him, it often happens that we take these guidelines too lightly without thinking about their real meaning.


Open conversations

Communication is very important for a successful relationship, maybe even crucial, but also, a lot of pointless talking does more harm than good. The conversations must not be superficial, the depths of a certain closeness should be entered and opened. This is a serious problem for most people, especially for those who do not have enough confidence, so they are horrified by such communications, convinced that they will turn out to be weak, vulnerable and stupid. But in fact, they already are all of that. By discovering ourselves and communicating clearly, the only thing we can get out of it, is what we currently do not have - confidence. Open conversations strengthen the character, and evoke consciousness from narrow views and certainly bring relaxation in the long run. We must not allow ourselves to hide behind the ego, because only cowards are hiding there. Why be ashamed of yourself? As long as we do this, we will never take control of our lives.

Also, stay away from projections.

We often hear the statement, especially from women, when describing the qualities of a desirable man, the one they want as a partner, that he must be humorous. And do you know what kind of women this is? The ones who are not humorous themselves, and actually expect someone else to entertain them and make them laugh. Like a clown. A certain amount of humor is certainly desirable because laughter relaxes, brings serenity and optimism to the relationship, but if one thinks that humor will solve something crucial, they are wrong.

We are not all humorous, nor do we need to be. Paying attention and care greatly compensates for a person's lack of humor. Furthermore, experience has shown that men who turn everything into a joke are subconsciously afraid of getting attached, and humor serves them to avoid serious communication. The one where they reveal themselves and talk about themselves. Remember, who does not open up to you is not a silent person, but simply you are not interesting enough for him to want to do it.


Understanding yourself and the other

When the relationship starts, it should be depreciated. It is not advisable to simply let it all settle down, as this often solves nothing but deepens the crisis and creates resentment.

The rule is to be aware of the other person, their presence and thinking. We are all different, and that is great, but that is no barrier for developing one of the most beautiful human virtues - understanding. I want to emphasize that understanding is not justification for one's stupidity. And it should not be misused. Perhaps this is the best way to explain: the parent always loves his child, no matter what nonsense he does, but the parent loves only the child but not his stupidity. It's separate. In the same way, you should approach to the event of a crisis, which is caused by some stupidity of your partner. Also, no one likes being offended and verbally humiliated, so forget about that approach right away. Such an approach will certainly not solve anything, but it will do just the opposite - it will further complicate everything.

When solving a problem, then we should also look at it from the perspective of another person, and thus try to understand what actually happened and why. Also, forget the statement that this could never happen to you, because it is simply not true, and only demonstrates your ego and misunderstanding. We can make far greater mistakes than those we want to share moral and other life lessons with.

And what is most important is the compromise, which is based on the principle "it must not be either how i want it or how you want it, but we should find ourselves somewhere in between". We are both in this, it concerns us equally and it has an impact on our relationship and our shared lives. It's not you, it's not me, it's - us.


Accept the person as they are


The most common problem we make in a relationship is the desire to design a partner as we please. This clearly and loudly shows a lack of basic respect. Why do you think everything is right with you? What makes you so convinced that your style of dress, expression and behavior is the right one? After all, you fell in love with that person that you now want to change. Initially, you didn't mind anything about that person. So, the problem is not in your parter, but in you. Therefore, do not in any way treat your complexes and frustrations on others, as you will ruin your life.

The real and basic truth is that we all change when it suits us, and not because of others. A change in force is not a change but a source of frustration, which will sooner or later erupt and complicate everything. We all change through life, both physically and characterually, and it is simply a process that should not be exerted by force, but let it go in its own course. There is no better partner than the one who feels good in their own skin.

autor: Raif Esmerovic