Our faces - we're not as good as we think​

Today, in the myriad of psychological manuals, so-called popular psychology, and all kinds of media coverage, we are literally in the middle of a mix of everything. Everyone advises and recommends something, but most of these suggestions, although probably well-intentioned, can greatly complicate one's life if misunderstood and applied. People generally understand everything the way it suits them.

In popular psychology as well as in religion, one is literally forced to be something that is unnatural and therefore impossible. We are dualistic beings, with the same propensity for good and evil, and we cannot be constantly good, cheerful and positive. Also, we cannot constantly tell ourselves how beautiful and successful we are, or that we keep repeating various nonsense, and the universe, like the spirit from the magic lamp, will hear and fulfill our desires. But it won't, because none of this is realistic and possible and nothing can work that way. Life is far from fantasy, it is fundamentally changeable, we all have good and bad stages, periods and years. One day we can be in a good mood, and tomorrow in a bad mood.

Nothing is exclusively black and white, but mostly gray. No one is absolutely good or absolutely bad. Since ancient times, philosophers and sages have said that in every good there is at least one grain of evil and vice versa. We are all just people with many flaws and virtues, capable of great nobility and great cruelty. And most importantly - we are all originals. There are no two identical people in the world. Even the twins, who are often physically completely identical, characteristically differ from one another. Therefore, everyone should seek their own path and way of life, and not live according to someone else's directions.

As a young boy, I heard from an old woman that every man has three paths in front of him: the path of good, the path of evil, and the third path that we design for ourselves. I think most of us choose this last one because it suits us best. The first two are immensely difficult and require too much effort from us, whether we are extremely good or bad, and each leads to suffering and eventual downfall.


Life like a fairy tale and a soap opera

None of us is the epicenter of the world, and the world does not revolve around us and because of us. You have noticed that when a celebrity dies, who has influenced millions of people with his/her talent, life goes on for everyone, and no one decides to stop anything because of their death, let alone because of us, the anonymous men.

Therefore, be very careful in interpreting those suggestions that you should put yourself first, and be egotistical, and let others obey you and your will. Try telling your boss at work something like this; let's say you will be half an hour late for work every day because you don't want stress. Or try telling your family to start taking care of themselves from now on, because you've been reading some book, and finally realized that you are a priceless gift under this sky. Their reaction will bring you down to earth quickly.



We must admit that it is very nice when someone through some text empowers you and raises your ego, but you do not live in a fairy tale. There is a completely different world out there that requires a lot of tolerance, flexibility, common sense and cooperation from us. We cannot do without each other and we actually do depend on each other, therefore we must all cultivate tolerance and understanding. This is what these manuals will not suggest, because supposedly each of us deserves only the best. There are awful monsters all around us, but only we are angels. Doesn't that remind you of all fairy tales and soap operas? The similarity is too great to ignore. But of course it is absurd to say that one should not love oneself, but that love must be expressed in a healthy and realistic way. Not like self-obsession.


Stop playing the victim

There are no perfect people, perfect relationships, partners or perfect lives. Everything is subject to constant change and thus an uncertain future. The most important thing throughout life is to step out of the role of victim and take responsibility. When you do this, no matter how old you are, know that you are finally grown and mature.

Blaming parents, children, partners, friends or the state for their own problems is a vicious cycle of frustration and bitterness. As long as you act as a victim and accuse others for your own recklessness and incompetence, you are in fact running away from responsibility and never taking control of your life. And this is because we consider ourselves to be a very good person, who helped everyone, did no harm to anyone, and others were unjust and ungrateful to us and did not appreciate or respect us. In fact, it only hurts us that others did not behave the way we wanted them to, and our ego cannot tolerate that.

There are still layers of human hypocrisy emerging here. Most of us help others solely for our own personal interest, there is no real benevolence here. And then when these individuals do not reciprocate to us as we expect them to, our ego  goes wild. Therefore, it is not true helping, and it should not be considered as such. When we help someone wholeheartedly, we only do it because it makes us happy and satisfied. We do not expect anything in return, not even from God, because to help someone is a gift in itself. If we love someone then we love him as he is, with all his faults and virtues, because when it comes to love, there is no blackmail and conditioning.

Getting involved with a taken person, consciously giving money to a person who is known for not repaying debt, overeating, living messy, gossiping, stealing, enduring abuse and so much more, is only our choice and we have no right to blame anyone. No one put a gun to our forehead and said we have to do something. Things that are done under duress are certainly not our choice and we are not to blame, but we must take responsibility for everything else. As soon as we do this and point the finger of guilt at ourselves, sadness, anger and resentment will disappear. Let's embrace reality and live wiser.


Moderation is the key to everything


The only advice I will give you is the universal one and certainly the most realistic one - be moderate. Nurture moderation in everything without overdoing it in any segment of life. Whatever is exaggerated whether it is love, food, sex, career, learning, religion, or something else, it necessarily translates into a serious disorder and a mental or physical illness.

Man exists on the basis of moderation. Heartbeat, pulse rate, breathing rhythm, all made to work in a uniform rhythm of balance and harmony. As soon as any of it accelerates or slows down we have a serious problem.

Love, hate, surrender, take, but always in moderation, without exaggeration. That is the essence of man, we must not ignore our essence and the truth. Stand in front of the mirror more often and be brutally honest, look at any imperfections on yourself and admit that you do not have the right to criticize anyone else afterwards. We are no better or worse than other people, just be who you are, don't be ashamed of yourself, and don't try to act, behave and look like someone else. As soon as you get to know yourself, your virtues and your flaws, you will become more moderate and the quality of your life will improve.

autor: Raif Esmerovic